This is the essential question behind our struggles with sin.
But I'll return to that issue in just a moment.
As a father of three children, two who are old enough to be into everything, I am often giving commands. "Don't jump off that. "Don't put that in your mouth." "Read some pages in your book before playing on the iPad." "Eat more of your dinner." "Take your medicine." And the list could go on.
All of these commands have one thing at their core: I love and care for my kids.
I love my kids. And my love for them is why I give them commands. I don't want them to get injured or sick. I want them to be able to read competently, not just play video games. I want them to grow strong and be healthy. All of the commands I give them are fueled by my love and affection for them. I want the best for them.
But you have kids. And you know that while my reasoning for the commands is the love I have for them, they only see it from a perspective of rules. Their young minds only perceive daddy as a rule-giver. However, these potential perspectives from my kids doesn't stop me from giving and upholding those rules. Why? Because I love them enough not to give them over to irresponsible, destructive behaviors. I'm not going to let them jump from things that will injure them or let them only eat Hershey Kisses or neglect homework for games. This is not me being the Big Ole Meany Butt, it is demonstrating Fatherly love and care for my beloved children.
Now back to my opening statement about "Does Daddy Really Love Me?" as the essential question behind our struggles with sin.
When we ask the question, we are not speaking of earthly fathers, but our Heavenly Father. Whether it is having sex outside the confines of God's decree of a marriage covenant between a man and a woman or our unhealthy clinging to material possessions, we have commands from God that we are expected to obey. Be it stealing, lying, drunkenness, gossip, or any number of sins, we have boundaries God has given for us to live in.
However, like young children with their parents, we do not like rules. We do not always understand the wisdom of why we cannot do something. We do not always grasp the benefits we will experience if we will submit to our Father's will. I believe the question we must remind ourselves to ask, which empowers obedience is, "Does daddy really love me?"
The answer to that question is an emphatic and unquestionable: yes! He loves you more than anyone else ever has. The Bible makes clear God's love for us, namely in sending His Son to atone for our sins (Romans 5:8; John 3:16; 1 John 4:10). God has affections for you and delights in you, which is why He does not want you to engage in actions, behaviors, and attitudes that are destructive to you. He wants you to thrive and live a life of joy.
The issue is many of us reason like children and believe the Hershey Kisses for dinner (or sex outside of heterosexual marriage) or neglecting homework for video games (or clinging to material possessions) are the most desirable things, but meany-butt daddy won't let us. The list could go on, but the issue remains the same. If we trust daddy is wise, then we can submit to his ways, because we believe he has our best interest at heart, and he loves us.
Daddy does love us. Rather than rallying together the siblings to reason with ourselves about how "out-of-touch" dad is or to overthrow him so our wisdom will prevail, we should submit to the loving commands of our Father. Even when we do not understand "why" He commands what He does, perhaps our advice to our children, heard from the lips of God, would be apropos, "Because I said so, and I love you."
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There are many things I am still learning about life and maturity. So my open letter is not coming from the guy who has figured it all out. However, I want to issue a plea to all my fellow social media users. I believe we have allowed social media to distort how we deal with issues in our lives. Let me explain.
One of the drawbacks of social media is that it has dulled our sense of what should be shared publicly and what should not. We have become so accustomed to telling everyone about our lives that wisdom has walked out the door. We over share details of our lives that should be kept to ourselves or our family. There are such things as inappropriate status updates - and it has nothing to do with the amount of clothing you are wearing.
You know this to be true. How many times have you been on social media and read a status and thought to yourself, "TMI" or "over share"? How many times has your spouse or friend said to you, "did you see what _______ posted on Facebook today?" So we are all aware that this happens. But what we like to think is that it doesn't happen with us.
Instead of keeping certain things to ourselves or taking time to process issues with people in real life, we blast our thoughts for all the world to see. In doing this we think we are being authentic and real, you know, really sharing our lives with others. But instead what happens is we live under the illusion we are actually dealing with issues when in fact we are not. We actually start using social media to be passive aggressive and "make a statement" when what we should do is pick up a phone or go sit down with someone.
Airing out your marriage problems on Facebook is inappropriate. Talking about how bad someone hurt you or how disappointed you are in someone is not Facebook material. Why? Because these are things you should address with a much smaller group of people in real life, not the social media world. You may garner sympathy and a slew of encouragers, but what happens if you are the problem or reason for the dispute? What happens if you are in the wrong? People on Facebook don't know that...because they are not really in your life. They are in the life you portray. There's a big difference.
People I went to high-school with 15 years ago, that I do not see or interact with in daily life, do not need to know I'm angry at my wife or grieving some internal hurt. Why? Because they cannot do anything. Social media was not created for dealing with life issues. You can stay in touch with people through social media, but it is not supposed to be the place where our relationships take place. And because of that, it is not the place where we air our problems and hurts, at least not the real ones. Those are reserved for the people who are truly in our lives. These are the people who can love us enough to tell us when we are wrong. They are not just people who will "like" our latest rant because they are ignorant of the actual details.
May we learn to exhibit self-control and recognize that not everything needs to be posted for everyone to see. Instead of rushing to update our status when something happens in life, perhaps we need to take time to process and think and consult people who are really in our lives.
Sincerely,
The guy who has to delete many status' composed in frustration and hurt
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As most of you reading this are aware, Phil Robertson of nationally acclaimed "Duck Dynasty," has gotten into some trouble. In an interview with GQ magazine, Robertson expressed his beliefs about homosexual behavior. In a nutshell, Robertson quoted Scripture about homosexual practice being sinful, and without repentance, something that will keep individuals from inheriting the kingdom of God. He also goes on to list other sins besides homosexuality, and he expresses that he too was a sinner who needed Jesus Christ as his Savior.
The outrage from the LGBT community and organizations like GLADD led A&E to suspend Robertson indefinitely from the television show. Which - on a side note - I'm not sure how that is going to work considering the show is filmed at Robertson's house, business, and among his family. A&E immediately rushed to separate themselves from Robertson's comments by expressing that his words are an expression of his personal beliefs, not their beliefs.
A&E's decision yesterday went viral. Every other post and comment on Facebook and Twitter is talking about this decision. Many people are writing articles and blog posts, like this one, to give their opinion on the matter. Most of the people I follow, and are friends with, are outraged. Of course, there is a large segment of people in the country who are happy to see this decision made because the comments from Robertson were offensive to them. So once again we have a nation divided over morality, particularly over homosexuality. This issue is simply not going to go away or die down.
A Piece of Advice
There are many good things written today about this topic (here and here). What I want to offer is a piece of advice for Christians on how to handle this and other situations that are sure to arise over this topic.
1. Stand Firm. Christians may not be in the moral majority on this topic, but we must continue to stand firm on Scripture's teachings, not the culture's ebbs and flows. We do not take our cue from the opinions of man, but we lean in to what God has to say, through His Word, and allow that to form our worldview.
2. Don't Be An Idiot. There is not a gentler way for me to say it. Yes, as Christians, we think Phil Robertson got hosed. We see this as an attack not on just his family, but us. We feel attacked. We feel ostracized. We feel muzzled. However, "how" we stand up in this world to represent Scripture's teachings is just as important as "what" we are standing up for.
I have already witnessed Christians on Facebook and Twitter ranting and raving about how the culture just wants to make us all love homosexuality. I have seen people ready to boycott A&E. I have seen people quoting Scripture about homosexuality's sinfulness. I'm not saying that any of these people are wrong in their response to Robertson's suspension/firing, but I am saying we could easily cross over into sin in our response if we are not careful.
Consider Jesus' Example
Did Jesus affirm sin or wink at it from a distance? No. He stood firm on the truths of God's Word. But we do not see Jesus protesting in order to be heard. We do not see Jesus demonizing the sinners he was trying to rescue from bondage. Think about the woman caught in adultery in John 8. She was thrown at Jesus' feet, apparently caught in the act of adultery. The religious leaders want Jesus to condemn her according to the law. But instead of grab stones to hurl at her, Jesus confronts the religious leaders about their own sin. He gives them permission to stone her, if they are able to say they are without sin. When they are unable to lift a rock, they leave. However, Jesus, before parting with the woman, says to her, "Go and sin no more."
Jesus showed compassion to the woman. He did not demonize her as "one of those people." He did not excuse her actions or say that it was okay. He gave her a strong command to go and sin no more. He called her to repent and leave her sin behind. He called her to a new way. But he also demonstrated a humble compassion for her. He showed gentleness.
The Pharisees were outraged at her. Jesus was calm and kind. The Pharisees wanted blood, to prove they were right and to stand up for God's Word. Jesus, stood up for God's Word, but did it in such a way that is was less about being proven right, and more about the person.
Closing Thought
I give this example as a guide for us believers. Do I believe homosexuality is a sin? Yes. Do I believe Scripture teaches very clearly about this topic? Yes. Do I believe Phil Robertson is getting a raw deal? Yes. Do I believe Christians are being increasingly muzzled in our culture about our beliefs? Yes. So let's stand firm in our support of Phil. Let's stand firm in our beliefs about what the Bible teaches. Let's stand firm on our rights to voice our opinions and exercise free speech. But let's not act like idiots in the process.
Not every gay person or non-believer is out to get you. Believers, not everyone in the world has a bone to pick with us. In the aftermath of the "Duck Dynasty" controversy, let's not respond sinfully in our responses. Let's fight for our responses to honor God, show compassion, and exercise wisdom. People in the LGBT community are fighting for what they believe is right. They do not believe the way we believe. They do not have the eyes to see the truth. To them, the gospel way is foolishness.
However, gay people are not our enemies...and even if they were, we serve a Master who commands us to "love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you" (Matthew 5:44). Let's remember this in our social media and water cooler conversations.
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Where has wisdom gone to hide? She is noticeably absent and missing. Everywhere you turn you feel the void her absence brings. Like Kevin waking up to find out he is all alone while the rest of the McAllister family is cruising at 30,000 feet Paris bound, it seems we awaken to find ourselves looking around to discover wisdom is nowhere to be found. We appear to be home alone.
Wisdom is interesting. You cannot touch wisdom. You cannot buy wisdom. You cannot smell, taste, hear, or see wisdom. Yet, interestingly, we all know when we encounter wisdom, and, as I hope to highlight, we all know when it is missing. A simple description of wisdom would be: the ability to connect cause and effect. Wisdom is knowing how decision x will produce consequence y. If I do this, this will happen. If I fail to do this, this will happen. Wisdom is the ability to see these factors and conditions, and with all the information, make the smartest and best decision. That is wisdom.
What is the evidence that wisdom has long left us to our own devises? There are endless examples that could be pointed out to support the claim that wisdom, along with Elvis, has left the building.
The Sexting Dilemma
One such craze happening right now all over the world, and in all age groups, is sexting. This is a particular practice among young adults. For those who have been hanging out in a bunker somewhere and are not familiar with sexting, it is simply take nude photographs of yourself and sending them to someone via text message. Yes, this person is usually a boyfriend/girlfriend or someone trusted, and not a stranger. But it is unwise nonetheless.
Why does this demonstrate a lack of wisdom? Okay, let's evaluate: taking a picture of your genitals or breasts to send to someone who then has the image on their phone, for as long as they desire, to show anyone they please, to send to infinite numbers of people...hey, you're right, what could go wrong?
This phenomena has and continues to wreak havoc in countless people's lives. People are having their nude selves broadcasted to their entire school, or worse yet, online for endless millions. "How dare someone violate my trust by sharing my photo with other people?," you say. How foolish! What did you expect would happen! Forget the fact that you should not be showing your naked body to anyone other than your spouse - which means if you are spouseless you should not be showing your naked body to anyone - taking pictures with your electronics and sharing them with others is just plain dumb.
Do you really think the person you are sending these pics to respects you? Do you think that the person you are sending these pics to wants to have a relationship based on friendship and something of substance? No way! Not when your willing to act like one of Hugh Hefner's insecure ladies who try to garner the affections and attention of others using their bodies.
Will your future spouse - because I can almost guarantee you the person your sending these pics too is not the one - going to be excited to know your genitals have had 5,698 views via the internet sites created to house such photos? What is your plan for when the "relationship" doesn't work out? Are you going to send a friendly text that says: "Hey, sorry it didn't work out, would you mind erasing that picture of my boobs I sent you? LOL #embarassing" I hate to break the bad news, by the time you have sent that text, your lady parts have already been shown to all his buds, plus a few of his female friends (who all think you are a skank now).
Foolish, Foolish, Foolish
"I just didn't think he/she would hurt me like that. I can't believe they shared my pics with others." This is spoken by a fool. If wisdom is defined by the ability to connect cause and effect, the fool is defined as someone who cannot make this connection. The fool is the person who acts without thinking of the consequences. The fool keeps repeating mistakes because they never learn to assess how one decision may bring about a set of consequences they do not desire.
At the heart of the sexting craze is rampant foolishness. Guys and gals alike are both acting foolishly. Because they hear of other couples sharing pictures with each other, it becomes the thing to do. Many are just burning with lust, seeking to find fulfillment through sexual contact and exploitation, rather than relationships built on friendships and shared beliefs. The truth is, everyone knows it could backfire and that it's wrong, but they do it anyway. This is why it is foolish. Friends, when you press "send," you can never ever get the picture back. You no longer have control as to who will see your naked body. This is also why you should not be surprised when your worst fears have come true and your desire to run and hide far outweighs the adrenaline rush you had when sending the pics.
A Closing Plea
As a father of three younger children, two being girls, I greatly desire to teach them to be wise. I do not want them doing things simply to blend with the crowd and culture. I want them to respect themselves enough to not broadcast the body God gave them to people who have no business seeing it. I want them to know their dignity and respect is far more important to keep than some zit-face kid with raging hormones and desire to impress his buds.
What I would say to them, I say to you. Exercise wisdom. The Bible says that fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom (Proverbs 9:10). Fearing the Lord is about reverence and honor to Him as your Creator. He made your body. You were made in the image of God which is what gives you dignity and worth. You deface that dignity and worth when you seek your value from your body. Your body was made by God. Your body is not God. Your body has worth because you are made in the image of God. You do not find your worth in your body. This is crucial to understand.
Wisdom cries aloud in the streets (Proverbs 1:20). She is seeking for all who will listen to her. She desires to protect us. We must heed her instructions and listen to her pleas. She'll return to us again if we would open our ears. If we would stop and think, she will dwell among us. Unlike Kevin, I do not think we will survive long with our house absent of her presence. We need wisdom to return and take her rightful place in our lives. I have smelled the repugnant fragrance of foolishness in our culture long enough.
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Last Thursday and Friday I had the privilege to attend the Willow Creek Association Global Leadership Summit. This is an annual conference for leaders that aims to train and equip them for their church, place of business, or other organizations. It is led and hosted by a church, that if I were being honest, is not really the tribe I follow. What I mean by "tribe" is that group of people who I am like-minded with in areas of theology, church methodology, and other categories of ministry. Willow Creek is not really in my tribe.
Interestingly enough, when I first entered into ministry, I attended the Leadership Summit. I was inspired and blown away by all that I was learning. I had no undergraduate or graduate training in ministry. In many ways, the Leadership Summit was my seminary training for ministry. I enjoyed it thoroughly, and was grateful for the training.
Tribal Arrogance
However, that changed after several years. I started to find myself drawn toward a different tribe. My lack of theological training made me hungry and eager to learn more about the Bible, my faith, and theology. I began to find myself drawn toward the reformed tribe. I gobbled up book after book, website after website, from this tribe. I still classify myself as a part of the reformed tribe.
The deeper and more entrenched I became in the tribe, the less time and desire I had learn from other tribes. All the books I read were from my tribe. All the conferences I attended were from my tribe. It isn't bad to read books and go to conferences that you align with, but in my mind, I started belittling and dismissing other tribes. I developed tribal arrogance. This comes with consequences.
Learning from Others
One of the great blunders of having tribal arrogance is missing out on the wisdom and skills of others. When you only read within your tribe, you are missing out on things God can teach you from other people. If you only attend your tribe's conferences, then you lose the insight that can be gained from attending others.
This stood out to me last Thursday and Friday. I sat in the auditorium listening to men and women pouring out genius wisdom and insight on leadership. I needed this badly. I began thanking God for bringing me to the conference. I was thankful for the guy who invited me to go, for no cost. What a gift God was giving me. Leadership insights were flowing in. So were the convictions about my tribal arrogance. I realized quickly on Thursday that for nearly seven years I had been missing out on the gifts of others because I was too entrenched in my tribe.
Finding Balance
I share this post, of my own personal experience, because I imagine I am not alone. I imagine this is a natural tendency for many of us. We tend to run with those most like us. We tend to listen to those most like us. This will never change, maybe it shouldn't, but we must always remain open to learn from others. We need to find balance. I have shut out other voices and influencers from my life for seven years, because I had belittled the need I had for the things they could offer.
It is arrogant to believe our tribe is the only place for us to gain wisdom. I would encourage my friends, in the reformed tribe, to be more open to those in other tribes. Be humble enough to learn from those who are different. There are many helpful leadership insights and strategies we could profit from those people. To my non-reformed friends, take time to learn from the reformed brothers and sisters. Learn from their rich insights into Scripture, theology, and applying Christian thought to cultural issues. You may have certain opinions of the reformed tribe, but do not be like me and discount what you may be able to learn from them.
I am repenting of this attitude and approach I have displayed. I do not want to display tribal arrogance. I am grateful for my tribe. I am grateful for how much I have grown in my love for God because of my tribe. But I need to have the ears to hear from the voice of others. This week has reminded me of this truth. So I am turning from this arrogance and foolish behavior, and making the commitment to sit more frequently at the feet of other leaders, from other tribes. I think you would benefit from this too.
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