Thursday, December 3, 2009

Confessions of a Pastor Who's Still Learning

I'm a lousy spiritual leader in my home.

I think I needed to start the post by just getting that out of the way. I'm a pastor who can lead and shepherd and care with the best of them, but I have felt a conviction from God lately that I'm not doing all I should/could be doing to take my home to the next level. Now don't get me wrong. We are not a pagan household. I do regular discipleship with my son. We will pray as a family and we have no problem talking about God. You see my problem is not with the family, it is with my wife. I don't feel that I'm doing enough to help us to grow as ONE spiritually. I don't want to sit down and teach her the Bible like I'm leading a class, because the last thing she wants is to feel like I'm making her go to school. I have had a hard time finding good marriage devotional. So I'm trying to figure out how I'm going to help create and foster that time for us.

There are also fears attached to this. I have never seen this modeled for me in my life, so much of it is going to be starting from scratch. I fear some of the levels of vulnerability that it is going to require. I fear not doing a good job. I simply want to be better, and I know it is going to require some changes of my habits.

I started by confessing and repenting before God, then I sat down and talked to my wife and apologized and told her my conviction. Thankfully she is desirous of a deeper intimacy together as well through our walk with God. Now comes the hard part: doing it. If you have suggestions as to what you do as a husband and wife, I'd love to hear it. If you have a devotional that have seemed to work well, leave a comment and let me know.

Do you find yourself struggling with this? Why do you think this is such a hard thing for us to do in our marriages?


  1. This is the most difficult area for most pastors if they are willing to admit it. I do admit it is very hard. My wife and I are a hit and miss on prayer and rarely sit down to do a Bible study. We do share in prayer, but not a set aside time. We do share the Scriptures that touch our lives, but not a sit down time. When we were younger and the cares of life were lighter, we always used a devotional book and it spoke volumes to us each day and each day seemed as if the writer was in our lives.

    You can have prayer on the hoof with your mate...if you are running a race and cannot stop...but that leads to few intimate times.

    It is a decision that has to be interwined with a hunger to walk in unison and then a deeper desire to simply take the time to do it. I am in the same state my brother and I too confess I am spiritual lacking in the area of husband and wife time in the Word and Prayer

  2. I think that you writing this will open many doors for other men who are in this situation, whether they admit to it or not. I for one am definitly in this scenario. I make the excuse as well that I don't have enough time, however I sure do have enough time to watch tv!
    This is a very crucial aspect of our walk and how we will be judged with what position God has placed us in. Want to find a Godly leader? Take a look at how he leads his home. Man looks at the outside, but God looks at the inside.
    I think its very easy to slip into the mindset that I have my own relationship with God and she has hers, but a THREE stranded cord is not easily broken...

    Patrick Morley has a pretty good devotional called Devotions for couples.

  3. Well I need help in about 5000 other areas but Miranda and I have really been doing better on this one. She reads all of the books you make me read:) and we watch sermons online together at least once a week. We talk about what we read and what we heard.

    Seems simple but making the time is not easy. I can tell you this much though, she and I are closer to each other and God, than we ever have been.

    Hope that helps,